Conky Thoughts

First, I’m just going to say that in my 20’s, I had money, an impressive job, and I was a good looking guy: the casual dating scene was too easy for me. There is one year of my life I really wish I could re-do. Now I’m married, and I think about:

• If I have a daughter…
• If she ends up with a guy like who I was when I was young.

This thought doesn’t make me smile. If she brought a guy home, I would interrogate him to see if he WAS like me. If he was like me, I’d buy a Mini Cooper and tell my daughter it was hers if she never saw that guy again.

Why was I like that when I was young, and I’m like I am now? I’m still the same guy. What influence was I under back then?

Every time you log onto social media, turn on the TV, open a magazine, someone tells you that toned bodies sweating up the sheets is the best of life. Really? The pinnacle of evolution is chasing orgasms?

Music that was popular among the guys back in my day glorified being a player, noncommitted. It was seen as kind of weak among your friends if you did commit to a woman. The steadfast Clooney’s were admired and envied. It was called “The Dating Game”.

Well, I have a fundamental problem with “The Dating Game”: it’s not a “game” unless both sides know it’s a game. Leading someone on to get what you want and then discarding them after you get what you want is mean; it’s the same kind of mean as hunting for sport.

Women, you break this rule too. Has there ever been a guy who worshipped you, and you let him do things for you, bring you a frappucino at work, let him think he was getting somewhere when he had no chance? Same thing.

I’ve noticed a phenomenon in my life, and I don’t know if I’m just an anomaly… I’ve broken up with women I never had sex with, and I’ve broken up with women I HAVE had sex with. The no-sex breakups were like PEACEFUL. I’m not talking 1 or 2 dates in, I’m talking like a year in (I stopped being religious at 23. Now I am again.). There didn’t seem to be much in the way of hurt feelings or betrayal there.

Now the breakups where we had hit the sack together- you couldn’t get me to re-live those for under fifty grand. My deduction is that it’s a major decision to hit the sack with someone. When you give that much of yourself to someone, you can’t take it back, and they better be worthy of that trust. “Going your separate ways” is easier said than done after you’ve crossed that line.

What I wish I could go back in time and tell myself and my friends is: “Get to know them, like, REALLY get to know them. They might be a really cool person. Forget about how “hot” they are. In hindsight, 9 times out of 10, the hotter they are, the bigger pain in the ass they are. They’re expecting the royal treatment.”

I wish I could apologize to a few people now, and I would accept an apology from a few people. But “All’s fair in love and war”, right? We didn’t know any better, everyone was telling us to play “The Casual Dating Game”. There’s nothing “casual” about it, and it’s definitely not a “game” for some.

I leave you with a quote from Marcus Aurelius, father of the stoics, “What is the purpose of your life? To pursue pleasure? See if reason allows this.”